Early Christmas Present

The other day, I received an e-mail from Influenster, informing me that I was selected as a recipient for their upcoming Jolly VoxBox. For those of you who have never heard of Influenster, they’re a
survey and review website for products that are currently on the market right now or still being tested by consumers before being released on the market. Everything from food to make-up to personal hygiene products are reviewed on the website, and they periodically send out VoxBoxes filled with awesome complimentary products for people to test out and review. When I found out I was selected for the Jolly VoxBox, I was so excited! I also think it’s important to note that I am the equivalent of a five year old when it comes to getting mail, and considering that most mail is usually crappy and mundane, it’s nice to get something neat in the mail every once in a while. And if you’re wondering, yes, I did sit by the window all day waiting for the mailman.

Included in the VoxBox was a box of Skinny Cow peanut butter filled chocolate bars, and as soon as that godforsaken thing came out of the box, the vultures started circling. It never fails, anytime my husband or kids discover that I have some type of chocolate in my possession, it turns into a free for all. I was looking forward to trying the bars, and they were totally delicious, and only 130 calories. Not that I’m counting calories. Don’t ask me how many of those bars I ate, or I might have to invoke my 5th amendment right.

I was particularly excited to find out that the box included make-up- a full size Rimmel London Showoff lip lacquer, which I absolutely love. The name of the beautiful shade is “Celestial,” and it is truly out of this world. I put it on in the morning the day after I received my box, and I didn’t have to reapply until the late afternoon. I ate (2 bars of Skinny Cow), drank (3 cups of coffee), and refereed the maniacs all day, so my mouth had a workout, but the lacquer stayed put, which I thought was awesome. I also received a 3 color NYC HD Color Trio Eyeshadow set in “Long Beach Sands.” I was so happy to find that they sent me a neutral, natural eyeshadow. I was really dreading receiving an electric blue eyeshadow, because I had no invitations to any 80’s themed parties. If there’s anything I really don’t like, it’s very dramatic make-up. I have never been one to use bright colors, because every time I think of dramatic eye make-up, I think of Tammy Faye Bakker, and the mere thought of that frightening woman shakes me to my core.

The stuff nightmares are made of.

The stuff nightmares are made of.

Also included in the box was a roll of leopard print Duck Brand duct tape which I intend to wrap presents with, because I’m edgy and also because I think I ran out of Scotch tape, so that little baby came just in time.

I was happy to be able to wear my new (free!) make-up to dinner last night with my husband. We went to Longhorn Steakhouse as an early birthday dinner for me, because we can’t go to Longhorn Steakhouse on
my actual birthday, because I have the worst birthday ever. I have to say, the food was delicious, the company was wonderful, and I had a great time. But let me just get this off of my chest.

I’m a people-watcher. It’s in my nature, I just can’t help it. Anytime I’m anywhere where there are many people, I compulsively watch what everyone is doing. It’s not something I do on purpose, or because I want to be a mean old Judgy McJudgerson, it’s just that I think I enjoy watching people do things in their natural habitat, when they think nobody’s watching.

I realize that last sentence totally made me look like a creep. No, I’m not standing outside your window right now.

All that people watching business brings me to this: people no longer have any manners. Seriously. For real. None.

When I go out to eat, I try to be proper. Napkin on the lap, no elbows on the table, no snorting/slurping/burping. It’s common courtesy, and common sense. Or so I thought.

Homeboy at the bar must’ve burped at least twice, and he leaned over once, and he may have let one rip. I don’t know. The jury’s still out on that one. But I wouldn’t have been surprised, because he was just being gross and eating like he was sitting at a trough and not a restaurant, so he may very well have cut the cheese.

Who does that? And who picks their teeth in plain sight? Get your hands out of your mouth, sicko. We are all trying to eat here while you’re trying to excavate a chunk of whatever the hell you just ate from your third molar. We don’t all want to bear witness to something akin to a fossil being unearthed.

I kind of felt like an innocent bystander, someone who was witnessing a trainwreck. I didn’t want to watch this guy pick his teeth, but my eyes couldn’t stop watching. I just wanted to turn away and enjoy my meal, but it was like a magnetic force was pulling my eyeballs to watch this man be gross in public. Why do these things happen? Why do bad things happen to good people? I wanted to offer him a toothpick, a piece of floss, anything. But all I could do was watch in disgust. I felt like I was doomed to watching him go on forever, pick pick picking his teeth.

But at least my lip lacquer lasted all through dinner.

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