I realize I haven’t blogged in a few weeks, and that probably makes me the worst blogger ever, but that’s okay, because luckily, I don’t have that many readers perched on the edge of their seats, totally captivated and waiting eagerly for my next post about coffee stains on my shirt and puke in my hair.
I realize that the major holidays like Christmas and New Year’s are over, and that we are now full steam ahead into February, and that makes me feel a little bit guilty because I haven’t updated since Christmastime. However, I must say this- the holidays being behind us has left me feeling a little bit like this guy:
Yes, that is Andy Dusfresne at the end of Shawshank Redemption. And yes, I am comparing the holidays to the rat-infested crap filled pipe he crawled through to get to his well-deserved freedom. I swear, what I went through on Christmas Eve in terms of wrapping presents should’ve qualified as cruel and unusual punishment. It seemed like the presents were doing the dirty and multiplying as I wrapped them. And let’s not discuss Christmas morning, when my kids completely bypassed a small fortune in Christmas presents and went straight for the old whoopee cushion. Fart noises all day. Merry Christmas, ya big idiot.
Now that one holiday is over, it seems like another has crept right up in its wake. Luckily, this holiday is celebrated on a much smaller scale, and concerns itself mainly with the consumption of chocolate, which helps me to tolerate it better.
Valentine’s Day is just two short days away, and besides baking some Valentine’s themed cupcakes today and eating half the batter while I waited for the first batch to finish baking, I’ve done very little in terms of preparations. I know many other moms are busy creating Valentine gift bags for their child’s class, with perfectly coordinating candies and knick knacks, but I have mercifully been relieved from Valentine’s Day duty for Carl’s class, so I am allowing the other moms to pore over Pinterest and stay up until 2 AM the night before, crafting and gluing and accessorizing, only to look like a meth addict on a 3 day bender the following morning as they frighten all the children when they bring their little goodies into my son’s class.
I don’t particularly know how to communicate to Carl that it’s ValentiNe and not ValentiMe, but those kids who said “ValentiMe” in elementary school (and, who am I kidding? Middle school, high school, and not college, because you don’t get into college saying “Valentime”), really irritated me. I am trying to kindly correct Carl without making him feel like I’m being critical or nitpicky, but he keeps saying Valentime and I’m a little worried for his future as a Walmart stocker as a result of the continued use of the word “Valentime”.
Speaking of Walmart, I made a pit stop at Walmart today to pick up a few essentials, and some of those candy conversation hearts for Carl’s class party. I remember the days of sweet, innocent messages on the little hearts, like “Be Mine”, “Luv U”, “I’m Yours”, etc. These candy hearts were obviously produced under the supervision of Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber, because they now have hearts that say, “LOL” and “Txt Me!”. I was waiting to stumble upon the one that said, “TWERK!”
Anyway, Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you. I hope you all get a Valentine heart that says “TWERK!” on it.