Monthly Archives: April 2014

Sick Days

It seems like lately, it’s been an uphill battle to keep my kids from getting sick. I know they’re still little, and that little kids swap germs, drink from each other’s cups, and subsequently get sick often, but today, I visited the pediatrician for the third time in less than two weeks, and that seems pretty excessive to me.

For those of you who are regular readers, you know that the pediatrician’s office is probably my least favorite place in the world, second to the dentist, or perhaps, the ninth circle of hell, so as you can imagine, I have been less than enthused to frequent the pediatrician as often as we seem to have been frequenting lately. We were one of the few unfortunate souls to not have an appointment scheduled today, and wound up waiting FOUR HOURS to be seen. To a four year old, four hours might as well be four years. I always think those people who get all impatient and snappy at the doctor’s office are real assholes, but I guess I was a real asshole today, because after approaching the receptionist’s window as hour three of the four hour wait from hell commenced, I recall telling the receptionist, “wow, I think I’ve started getting grey hair since I got here.”

Once we were called in, one of the nurses mentioned that there was an abnormal result in a specimen sample I had to drop off for Leland earlier this week. I don’t know about you guys, but if you’ve never had to obtain a stool sample, consider yourself VERY LUCKY. I was mentally and emotionally preparing myself for obtaining the sample for hours in advance, and the specimen container comes with this handy little built-in spork for collection of the specimen. I WILL NEVER EAT FROM A SPORK AGAIN.

They informed me that due to the abnormal lab result, they’d have to obtain a urine sample and a blood sample from Leland. For those of you who don’t know, Leland is not potty trained yet, so they attached this ridiculous bag to him, and told me to “make him go.” Oh, okay. Let me just grab my magic piss wand and wave it at his boy parts. Wingardium leviosa. Did that work?

So after I “made him go,” AKA, kept repeating, “are you peeing? Do you have to pee?” and making swishy water noises with my mouth, they were satisfied with the sample, and then they took blood from him, which involved three nurses and myself holding down this 42 pound child, who for some reason, has been endowed with the strength of ten men, while Carl shouted in the background, “STOP DOING THAT TO MY BROTHER! SOMEBODY HELP!”

Shortly thereafter, they obtained throat swabs of both boys, and left me in the exam room with both of them crying, coughing, and Carl wailing, “why did that man choke me with a Q-tip?”

After all the lab results were returned, we discovered that all the suffering we all endured during the blood and the urine tests were both in vain, because everything was normal, and only Carl tested positive for strep throat. Prescriptions in hand, I promised the boys ice cream cones for being such good sports after all that poking and prodding.

As I waited at the receptionist’s desk to make a follow-up appointment, I noticed a woman waiting nearby, smiling wistfully at the boys. I smiled and told the boys to say hello to her, at which point Leland said, “HI, BOOTYHEAD!”

Seriously, I HATE THE PEDIATRICIAN’S OFFICE!

Solid Ground

Have you ever wished you could loosen your grip sometimes?

I find I have a very real issue loosening up and letting things just flow. Sometimes I attribute it to my personality, other times I attribute it to the fact that I’m a fucking basketcase. Either way, it’s not a pleasant feeling to always feel like I need to be in twenty different places, or else the entire world will crumble and explode. Sometimes, these feelings can have an effect on my temperament and my mood, and if things aren’t “just right,” I can kind of be a snappy little meanie.

I’m trying to be less snappy, and feel less like I need to have absolute control over what goes on around me, because when you’ve got 3 kids 4 and under, “absolute control” doesn’t even exist. I find the more controlling and OCD I become, the harder my kids rebel. It’s a very frustrating thing for me, because when the kids are throwing their toys everywhere, causing a huge ruckus, and turning the house into a circus, it is very anxiety inducing for me. When I feel like I’m losing control of the situation, I feel very overwhelmed, and I’m trying to overcome this.

In an ideal world, my kids would pick up all their toys, place their dishes in the sink, and listen when I talk. But since I’m realistic, and I know that my children are far too young to do those things, and even as they get older, will probably still not do those things, my brain understands that’s far too much to expect from them. However, I wish someone would explain those thoughts to the crazy anxiety that I suffer from when things are not in order, and when my kids are running around like Neanderthals.

I find that I tend to come across as a very relaxed, easygoing person, and I am, when I am not in an overwhelming situation. However, I hide my anxiety very well, and even when my brain is telling me, “oh my God look at this mess Christine look at this mess and they’re just making a bigger mess and now they’re throwing things Jesus what’s next is someone going to take a bath in the toilet what the fuck,” I tend to look very calm and collected on the exterior. It’s a very frustrating and exasperating thing to explain to people. And when I do, I’m often told, “well, just calm down.” And I’m like, “well, I just KIND OF CAN’T.”

Trust me, I wish I could turn it off like a switch, but if it were that easy, would I be on this blog typing this? Hell to the no.

I’m trying to be happy, easygoing mom. I’m trying my best for my kids to remember me as fun, happy, and carefree, and less like Joan Crawford holding a wire hanger. For my own sake, and for the sake of my kids, I feel like I really need to loosen up. I think it would improve their lives, and vastly improve my state of mind, because some days I feel like an atomic bomb is going off in my head about seventy different times.

I’m going to try to sweat the small stuff less, and get upset less. I tend to let things really upset me, and once I’m all wound up and upset, I start jumping to ridiculous conclusions and getting myself all worked up over something that could easily be dealt with in a calmer, more relaxed manner. I don’t like feeling so tightly wound, and I feel like sometimes I’m wound so tightly that I’m fraying at the ends, not unlike a badly laid weave.

When my kids reflect on their childhood, I want them to remember a happy mom, who always was ready and willing to engage them and be there for them. Some days, I feel like I’m crazy or something. Do other people feel this way? Is this normal?

So, HELP ME, OH INSIGHTFUL READERS! I need tips on how to unwind, relax, and decompress in a healthy way. I want to feel less like a robot and more like a human, and I need help with that. Some days I feel like a shell, going through the motions, and if my motions are interrupted, all hell breaks loose. I want to feel less like I’m on a high wire and more like I’m on solid ground.